Pregnancy, New Baby and Post Partum

Hey! It's been a long while since I visited this blog.. and a lot  has changed in a girls life.

Pregnancy: One of those changes is a beautiful baby boy my husband and I welcomed into the world back in a January. So we certainly have a big family now. And we love it.  However, the journey wasn't easy!  I'm no stranger to pregnancy, labor and post partum. But this last pregnancy broke me down y'all. Having a baby in your late 30's is a lot different than having babies in your 20's. Some may disagree but that was damn sure my experience. I had an eventful pregnancy. I was sick every single day, battled with gestational diabetes and pelvic symphysis dysfunction. Needless to say I had a high risk pregnancy. That caused many Dr appointments, ultrasounds and tests. It was exhausting and the only joy I experienced during pregnancy was feeling the life growing inside of me. I could hardly wait to deliver the baby.

Labor: Delivery Day finally came. Labor started out rocky and ended rocky. I gave in to the pain and begged for an epidural. BIG mistake . The Anesthesiologist gave me a spinal block instead of a spinal epidural. Immediately my entire body up to my neck went numb , my blood pressure dropped tremendously and my baby's heart rate decreased. Suddenly the numbness wore off and I felt my next contraction. The baby's heart rate began to decrease even more, I heard the Dr talking about taking me into surgery for an emergency C -Section. I found my voice and said " How in the hell am I going into surgery , I can feel everything".  The Dr had the nerve to ask was I sure . The look on my poor husbands face will never be forgotten. He was so scared. I could see it. I told my Dr that I couldn't go in surgery, I begged her to try something else to get baby boy's heart rate back up. She then told me to quickly get on my hands and knees and hold my head down. She said if this position didn't help increase his heart rate within a few minutes we had to go in surgery. I said one sincere prayer , and thankfully the position worked  and within 45 minutes I felt the urge to push . By this time the staff had left out of the room, my husband had to run up the hall to find the Dr and nurses. When they returned, baby's head was crowned. I kept pushing.  The Dr yelled. "Stop pushing , the cord is around his neck."  I stopped! She removed the cord , told me to push... I did. One last time.. And finally I heard the sweet cry of baby boy. After an eventful pregnancy and labor, to hear him cry was music to my ears. He was born healthy and strong. What a blessing!

Post Partum: Recovery has been quite interesting. Remember the position I had to be in to increase his heart rate . I was in that position for about 45 minutes, and it tore my back up. Muscles in my back and neck were strained and sprained ( It didn't help that I had some heavy ass crochet braids ). I could barely move around for about 4 - 5 days. I had to take muscle relaxers along with 2 other pain medications to simply function. My breastfeeding plan didn't happen. That caused me a little depression and frustration. I began to research about organic baby formula, and chose a formula I felt was best for our baby. I felt better. I wanted to dismiss depression of any kind because I didn't want to fall into postpartum depression. I did everything I could think of to attempt to avoid it. However what I experienced was a horrible case of postpartum anxiety. I never even heard of  it . You hear talks of depression after having a baby. But there are so many psychological issues that can surface. My anxiety was horrible. Every negative thought and worry a mother could think ran across my mind. I diagnosed myself using google and web md . I researched too much . I was worrying too much. I couldn't sleep. One day I was operating On 4 hours of sleep in a 48 hour period and couldn't rest to save my life . My husband was begging me to rest. I simply couldn't. I then realized if I didn't get a handle on my anxiety, I would make myself sick. I started by taking off my super woman cape. I realized I don't need to handle EVERYTHING. I reached out to friends and family to let them know what I was dealing with, excepting advice from girlfriends who had been through this sort of thing before. The major key was to understand I wasn't battling this alone . I have a very supportive family and friends. I am thankful for that.  I started replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Also I've been eating better and getting a little more exercise than I was. And I'm writing again! I feel much better. I'm not 100% back to myself, and that's expected. It's only been 7 weeks since the baby was born. I'm learning to allow healing to move in it's own time.

Xoxo, Tish